The Gray Space Between Blessings Vs. Wants

I came upon this wonderful post the other day by MySweetJesus entitled “I want Jesus. But, also a husband. And kids. And a job. And an apartment. And, maybe a dog.” Even with only the title, I knew this post was going to speak to me, and speak to me it did…

I have been conflicted lately. I have been conflicted in what I want from my life, what I have in my life, and feeling guilty about that gray space in between the two. I cannot emphasize my guilt enough: I am happy with what I have, I feel incredibly blessed, but then I also want more. And I want that “more” now.

Just like Melissa, I want to be a homeowner. I want to summon my inner Pinterest demon and create the coziest and warmest home to be enjoyed by my family and friends. I want to travel and see every nook and cranny of the world. I want to get engaged. I want to experience the excitement of planning a marriage, seeing the man of my dreams look at me with only love as I walk towards him; I want to be a wife. I also want to be a mother. And a grandmother. I want to have parts of my life remembered through stories passed down. I want pictures of my adventures to be admired, I want my prom and wedding pictures to be poked fun of due to fashion changes, I want my descendants to look at a photograph of me and wonder what I was thinking at the exact time the flash was taken…

But I also want Jesus. I want to see Him come back in all His glory. I want to experience what perfection truly is, I want to know heaven.

Sometimes the joys of the world seem a lot larger than what True Joy will be, and I struggle with this Battle of Wants on a daily basis.

It was so comforting, then, to read what Melissa said: “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting those things.”

She is so right! God gave me these passions. God put these desires into my heart. And even though each and every one of my desires will be satisfying to me, it is all really pointing to Jesus. Melissa gives some great examples by saying marriage is a glimpse of Christ’s devotion to the Church, children allow parents to feel a smidgen of the Father’s love for us, and community assists us during our journey to our heavenly home. This is so beautifully and honestly said!

In the future, when I start to feel deflated by the guilt of blessings versus wants in my life, this lesson is something I plan to look back on. The desire for more in life is a good thing, as long as I continually glorify my Lord and Savior through them.

I will continue to desire success, and love, and community, but I will also desire Jesus more. Because it’s not about trying to change my heart. Instead, it’s about giving my heart fully and completely to God.

And with that, I say Amen.

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